apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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