Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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