why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
