Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
