Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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