margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
