the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Where did you get a picture of my penis
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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