You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
