Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize