she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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