I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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