I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
