He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
