What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
