And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
