He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
