He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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