Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
