I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
