They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
