This girl is more easily done than said...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
