i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
