I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
