one two three fourrrrnication!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
