just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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