I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
