I can text with my tongue
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
