You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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