i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
