Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
