I cannot find my penis.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
