I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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