i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
