you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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