Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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