ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Drunk is not a location!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
