i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
