Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
