While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
