did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
