do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
