dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
