FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize