ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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