Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
