Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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