new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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