Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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