I need to stop coming to work sober
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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