So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
