Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
