I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
