so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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