if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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