This is not my ceiling
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
