Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
