Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
