mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
