I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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