This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
