i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
