running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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