ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
