U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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