Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
