The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize