He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He did a backflip because drugs
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