So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
