we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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