Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
