Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
