I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize