I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize