remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My bed smells like the plague
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
